New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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