Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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