You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
