I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize