Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
