Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
