this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize