I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
