Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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