In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
