my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
