If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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