the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
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