literally had 100 drinks last night.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
