Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
