She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
