don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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