he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
