Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
