He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
