I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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