Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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