Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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