Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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