The best revenge is premature balding
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
