dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
