The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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