Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
splinters make it hard to masturbate
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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