he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Drunk is not a location!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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