woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
