I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
