3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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