I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize