You smell like a Billy Joel song
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
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