God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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