We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
are you so shy because you have an std?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
