he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You are a genius and a whore.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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