I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
the day after is always just damage control
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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