Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
