She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
