this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
