I must be too annoying 4 u.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
