Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
