Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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