I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
