Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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