How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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