When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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