i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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