how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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