I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Randomize
