R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
