Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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