too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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