There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Ladies don't puke and tell
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
