you win again, gameday.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
