So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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