His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
