arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
