i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
two words...techno handjob
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
