Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize