Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
