Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
