Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
