Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
